for Rhapsody: SUICIDE

Rhapsody & Other Movements is a performance based around the works of Vasudev, most particularly his recent work, built for his exhibition Recollections, Reconnections at the Lalit Kala Akademi galleries this month. I like working like this: borrowing inspiration from other work and writing serially along different themes. This is the first piece I wrote based on his work. It's a fairly literal interpretation of one of Vasudev's sketches based on the poetry of AK Ramanujan. Ramanujan's poem is titled 'Suicide', as is Vasudev's sketch, as is this poem.

Suicide


this is me at the bottom of the pond
you have forgotten, with the mud and little fish.

i wish you could see me,
at the bottom of the pond,
looking up now at the arses of ducks,
at the stooping drooping dogs and flowers,
and the village girls undulating above the surface.
oh, how I miss them all when they go away.

i can see the roof of the temple from down here,
freshly painted with glossy, weatherproof colours
that will stand the test of time
better than all the other freshly painted times.

i don't hear much down here
but every ripple is an utterance,
a story above me
in music and footsteps,
the wind on the water -
all that does not penetrate here
to me, my arms around my
beautiful bitter boulder.

and i do not grow older, no,
away from bird song and fox calls,
chicken scratchings and dances,
dark skin, dry sweat and drunkenness;
because

i carried this weight into the water,
when i thought i was leaving it behind.